Giving and Receiving Feedback

You manage a junior employee who has always been reliable, but over the past three months their work has become careless, deadlines are being missed and mistakes are slipping through. You need to address this directly before it starts affecting the wider team.

"I wanted to speak with you because I've noticed a change in your work over the past few months — there have been a few missed deadlines and some errors slipping through that aren't like you. I'm not here to criticise you, I just want to understand if something is going on, because your track record tells me this isn't your standard. Can we talk about what's been happening?"

It is annual review time and your team member has formally requested a promotion. They are enthusiastic and clearly want it badly, but their performance this year simply does not justify the step up yet.

"I really appreciate you putting yourself forward — that kind of ambition is exactly what we want to see. Honestly though, I don't think the timing is right, and I'd be doing you a disservice if I said otherwise. What I'd like to do is have a real conversation about what the next twelve months could look like so that this is a much easier decision when we revisit it."

A colleague is talented and well-liked internally, but you have been hearing from clients that their emails are abrupt, they talk over people in meetings and they sometimes come across as dismissive. You need to raise it with them before it costs the company a relationship.

"I wanted to raise something with you, and I'm coming to you directly because I think you'd want to know. I've had some feedback from clients about how you're coming across — specifically in emails and in meetings — and it's not matching how people see you internally. I know that's not easy to hear, but I think it's fixable and I'd rather we deal with it now."

Your friend has opened a restaurant and invited you as one of their first customers. The food was lukewarm, the service was chaotic and the bill had errors, but they are standing at your table beaming, waiting to hear what you thought.

"It's such a brilliant space and you can really feel the love you've put into it. I do want to be honest with you at some point, the way a good friend should be — there were a few things tonight that I think are worth talking through when you've got a moment. But that's a conversation for when you're not standing at my table — for now, just know I'm rooting for you."

Your friend spent two years writing a self-published business book and sent you a signed copy with a personal note. You finally read it and it is poorly structured, full of generic advice and riddled with typos. They keep messaging asking what you think.

"I've finished it, and I can genuinely see how much of yourself you put into this. I want to be honest with you though, because I think you'd want me to be - there are some structural things and a few editorial issues that I think would really be worth addressing if there's a second edition on the cards. Can we find a time to talk properly? I have some thoughts that I think could actually help."

A senior partner pulls you aside after a client meeting and tells you that your recent work has shown a worrying lack of attention to detail, citing two specific examples. You listen carefully and respond professionally.

"Thank you for telling me directly — I appreciate that. Looking at those two examples, I can see what you mean, and I don't have a defence for either of them. I'll think carefully about where the process broke down and come back to you with what I'm going to do differently."

Your boss calls you into a private meeting to tell you that two clients have separately raised concerns about your manner, describing you as cold and difficult to work with. You were not aware of this perception at all and need to respond thoughtfully.

"I'll be honest, that's not how I see myself, so it's genuinely difficult to hear — but I'm glad you've told me. I'd like to understand more about the specific interactions if possible, because I want to take this seriously rather than just react to it. I'll reflect on it properly."

Your manager sits down with you to give feedback on the workshop you delivered last week. They have several critical points you strongly disagree with, and you feel their assessment is unfair and misses what you were trying to achieve.

"I appreciate the feedback, and I want to engage with it properly rather than just push back. There are a few points where I see it differently, and I'd like to walk through those with you if that's okay - not to dismiss what you've said, but because I think understanding where we see it differently might be useful for both of us."

You led the team away day last Friday and left feeling it had gone really well. Your manager calls you in on Monday morning and reads out the anonymous feedback.

"The icebreaker at the start went on way too long and killed the energy before we even got going."

"Some people dominated the whole day and it felt like nothing was actually decided or actioned."

"The venue was fine."

"Thank you for sharing this — I'd rather know than not. The organisation comment is good to hear, but the points about the icebreaker and the lack of clear outcomes are fair, and on reflection I think I underestimated how much structure the discussion parts needed. I'll take those on board for next time."

Three months ago you recommended a stock to three friends with real confidence. It has since dropped 60% and all three have lost money. They have all separately asked if you can meet up to talk it through.

"I owe you an honest conversation and I'm not going to try to explain it away. I was confident and I was wrong, and I'm genuinely sorry that it's cost you money. I don't have a fix for that, but I want to sit down with you, hear how you're feeling about it, and be straight with you."