Small Talk

Small talk! Yes! And that's 'small talk', never 'small talks'. That's a common mistake.

“Small talk” is an uncountable noun, like advice, information, or furniture. It refers to casual, polite conversation about unimportant or non-personal topics, especially between people who don’t know each other well.

Writing Homework

What is your opinion on small talk?

Discuss your opinion and whether it has changed over time.
Do conversations among large groups drain you or do they give you energy?
Consider the best conversations you've ever had.
Can you think of a real or fictional person who is great a small talk and who is terrible at small talk?
Reflect on why you believe that you're good or bad at it. How can you improve your small talk?

I don't think I ever heard anyone tell me that they enjoy small talk. In fact, it became much more common and perhaps 'trendy' to say that you don't like it. "Oh I hate small talk... it's so shallow and meaningless!"

Yes, agreed and sometimes it can be downright painful. At a networking event, at the hairdressers. The worst would be at a funeral of a distant family member, where you need to meet some of your relatives for the first time, and you have to piece together the tiny bits of information that you collected about them over the last few decades... so that you can put together a question which doesn't prove that you actually know nothing about them at all!

Which leads me to the point of small talk... what is the purpose of it?

Let's say you're travelling on a sleeper train, sharing a cabin with another passenger. Since you're going to be sharing this space for the next 12 hours, it seems natural for you both to chat a little whilst you eat your sandwiches, watching the sunset. What would the purpose of small talk be in this situation?

To Prevent Harm

Small talk, at its core, is a form of self-protection. A way of scanning the other person to assess whether they are safe, trustworthy, or hostile. Through a short, casual exchange, you can pick up on signals in their words, tone, or attitude that help you determine what kind of person you’re sharing space with. Are they respectful? Do they seem aggressive? Are they likely to become argumentative or pushy? What are their motivations? In close, shared environments like a sleeper train cabin, small talk is a way of testing if a stranger is a threat.

It also helps you to avoid causing harm to others. By asking where someone is from, what they do, or what they did at the weekend, you learn context. You’re collecting clues about which topics are safe or sensitive, which opinions might offend, and how to behave respectfully around them. Small talk gives you a chance to understand who someone is before saying something that might be intrusive, inappropriate, or hurtful. Of course, your fellow passenger may also wish to learn of your motivations and whether they will be safe with you. Who knows, you could be a crazed killer! Small talk helps keep you safe, protect others and establish trust.

What would be the opposite of this? Blabbering on about whatever you were thinking in that moment... which would be "Why the hell didn't I buy a first class ticket for this train, then I wouldn't have to share a sleeping space with this guy.. who probably snores!" Which would likely result in a rather tense and awkward atmosphere for the remainder of the journey.

To Set Boundaries and Tone

Are we talkers or quiet travellers? Are we here for laughs, reflection, or just coexistence? That initial chit-chat helps establish whether we’ll keep chatting or not, whether you’re open to sharing stories or prefer privacy.

Well, probably the most useful... to lay a foundation of trust within the relationship, with various points of connection that allows you to drive the conversation towards a more in-depth and meaningful place. Small talk is also a form of social 'glue'. It's the bridge that allows you to take relationships from being shallow/surface-level to deep and meaningful.

Oh... and well, allow me to address the elephant in the room. Yes, the British are famous for their small talk. There are countless films which portray old British aristocrats sat around a dinner table in fancy clothes, making mundane, boring chatter about surface level topics (usually when there is something more pressing/important to discuss).

There's a scene from the film Saltburn (2023) where the family are having dinner after a family member had just been killed... and just as if nothing had happened, they continue, as is their superpower, to avoid talking about anything important at all... and to keep on smiling. Heaven forbid we actually address or discuss a difficult emotion.

There's another film which I saw the other day, Mothering Sunday (2021), a very slow film, it's more like a visual poem than an actual film, but it's a good example of small talk. You'll see below, a photo of a wealthy British family, having lunch by the river. This film is set in 1925. Of their four sons, one is late, the other three were killed in the war. There is a lot of tension at the dinner table, as you may imagine.

Colin Firth, the gentleman with grey hair at the head of the table continues relentlessly throughout the film to mention the weather... "It's a perfect day, it really is"..."Have you seen the weather, it really is gorgeous today. How lovely, perfect day for a bike ride!"

It turns out that this is his way of coping. He's trying his very best to keep spirits high... and I find it sweet and admirable, he seems kindhearted and good meaning, but I'd find it more admirable if he wasn't so bloody avoidant. His wife is obviously heavily greiving, whilst he continues to talk about the sun, the clouds and the butterflies.

But let's not get off track, I'm trying to make the case that small talk is useful, helpful, practical even! Some would say that alcohol is a social lubricant, jokes definitely are... and they'd be right, it's rare to end a conversation in the UK without making a joke (or going to the bar). Not really, that also was a joke.

There's a scene from a series called 'The Night Manager' and in it, Tom Hiddleston, as the night manager, is escorting guests from the lobby of the hotel to their rooms. That particular scene stood out to me, as an example of someone whose profession is to conduct small talk, incredibly well.

He greets a large group of high-end guests and then leads them to their rooms. Exchanging pleasantries with a couple. We can sense that male guest is what you'd describe as a no-nonesense kind of person, and as the viewer, we understand that he's to be the villain of the story. Just because of his demeanor and attitude.

And when you think of villains... they are perhaps the last person you could imagine engaging in small talk. Think of 'Anton Chigurh' from 'No Country for Old Men' (2007). The first question he asks the 'proprietor' at the 'petrol station' is ... "What's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss?"

This isn't exactly what you'd call, cordial, polite, friendly or charming. Nor protective, conducive with building trust or laying the foundation for an indepth discussion.

It's antagonising.

The point is that villains are tricky to make small talk with, they often have little interest in relationship-building or preventing harm. The night manager does it in this example and the villain being present makes it even more difficult.

[turns to the gentleman]
"How was the ride in sir?"

"Noisy"

"It can be terribly bumpy, even on a clear night. Heroic of you to venture all this way if you ask me."

[turns to his wife]

"And how was it for you?"

"Fine, thank you"

"Blah blah blah You're more something than I am" (perhaps again, you're braver than I am)

I've always considered small talk to be meaningless, shallow and superficial... and I could argue the case that it's all of those things in this example. However, I have come to admire the skill very much so. I do see the value in being able to conduct yourself in a "stand up" manner. In an assertive manner. The gestures, the polite questions, and the assertiveness must only put people at ease, and give you some authority in the room, some real presence - which after all, is better than just being quiet and slightly awkward (something I'm definitely guilty of at times).

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this.

Starting

“I heard you’re from ___. What’s it like there?”
“That’s an interesting accent - where are you from?”
“What brings you here today?”
“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met - I’m [Name].”
“You look familiar - are you from around here?”
“That’s a cool [object/clothing/accent] - where’s it from?”
“Mind if I sit here?”
“How do you know [person/event]?”
“Have you been to one of these before?”

Continuing

Show interest→ “Really?” / “Wow, that’s cool.” / “I’ve never met someone who does that.”
Ask for more details→ “How did that start?” / “What made you choose that?” / “What was it like?”
Relate to your own experience→ “I’ve never done that, but I think I’d love it.” / “That reminds me of...”
Build on their topic→ “Speaking of that, have you ever…?” / “Do you think that’ll change in the future?”
Ask reflective or opinion questions→ “Do you think it’s worth it?” / “Would you recommend it to others?”

Ending

“I should let you get back to your friends, but it was lovely meeting you.”
“Thanks for the conversation - I really enjoyed hearing about __.”
“It’s been great chatting - I’ll let you mingle.”
“I’ve got to head off, but let’s catch up again soon.”
I hope you enjoy the rest of the event!”
“I’ll let you get back to your coffee/work/friends.”
“Maybe we’ll cross paths again later - enjoy the day!”

🗣️ 1. At a Networking Event

Prompt:
You've just finished watching a presentation at a business conference. There’s a short break before the next speaker. You turn and find yourself next to Lina, she's a friend of a friend, but you've never met. You strike up a conversation.

Character Profile:

Name: Lina
Age: 26
Profession: Finance graduate, job-hunting
What people say: Professional, poised, stylish
Likes: Fashion, travel, self-development
Unusual fact: Has an identical twin — they once swapped during an exam
Good for small talk: Confident, well-travelled, articulate
Not so good: Can seem reserved or intimidating at first

🗣️ 2. At a Wedding or Family Event

Prompt:
You’re sitting at a large table at a wedding reception. The person next to you introduces himself as Julian. You’ve never met before, so you start with small talk.

Character Profile:

Name: Julian
Age: 34
Profession: Programmer, digital product developer
What people say: Charming but unpredictable
Likes: Tech, travel, adrenaline sports
Unusual fact: Raised in an orphanage and hides trauma behind humour
Good for small talk: Funny and energetic when in the mood
Not so good: Moody, impatient, can switch off mid-conversation

🗣️ 3. In a Queue/Line

Prompt:
You're waiting in a long queue at the bakery in Paris. In front of you is a friend of yours Ella, carefully picking out some fresh pastries. You say hi.

Character Profile:

Name: Ella
Age: 21
Profession: Pâtisserie student, ex-law student
What people say: Sweet, shy, modest
Likes: Baking, markets, quiet time
Unusual fact: Grew up on a sheep farm with three brothers
Good for small talk: Gentle and thoughtful
Not so good: Very shy and avoids attention

🗣️ 4. At the Airport or on a Plane

Prompt:
You’re in your seats on a flight to Germany and your seatmate is Lucas. Normally, you wouldn't start chatting to the person next to you, but there is a technical fault with the plane and there is a delay. It's already been 90 minutes, so you decide to exchange a few words.

Character Profile:

Name: Lucas
Age: 22
Profession: Maths graduate, currently travelling in New Zealand
What people say: Friendly, open-minded, easy to talk to
Likes: Hiking, chatting, being in nature
Unusual fact: He’s scared of rabbits because they’re ‘too white and ghostlike’
Good for small talk: Very easy-going and always up for a chat
Not so good: Dislikes small talk and avoids anything structured

🗣️ 5. In a Waiting Room

Prompt:
You’ve joined a small professional Zoom meeting — maybe a language exchange, training session, or cross-team check-in. You and one other participant, Amane, are admitted early by the host. Her camera is on, her background is neutral, and she’s sitting perfectly still, notebook in hand. The host hasn't arrived yet. After a few seconds of quiet, you clear your throat gently and say:

Character Profile:

Name: Amane
Age: 25
Profession: Secretary at a traditional paper company
What people say: Serious, distant, elegant
Likes: Solitude, quiet routines, simple meals
Unusual fact: Dreamed of marriage but chose independence instead
Good for small talk: Calm and deeply thoughtful if trust is built
Not so good: Hard to approach and doesn’t initiate conversation

🗣️ 6. At the Hairdresser or Barber

Prompt:
You’re sitting next to Walter at a local barber shop. He’s cracking jokes with the staff and clearly a regular. He turns to you with a grin, he hasn't seen you before so asks you "Are you new around here?"

Character Profile:

Name: Walter
Age: 80
Profession: Part-time librarian, ex-military
What people say: Loud, charming, unpredictable
Likes: Football, pints, telling stories
Unusual fact: Lost his arm in a bet with a lion
Good for small talk: Endlessly entertaining and friendly
Not so good: Drinks a lot, avoids seriousness, lonely underneath

🗣️ 7. During a Coffee Break

Prompt:
It’s a short coffee break at a sustainability workshop. You notice Florence reading a pamphlet alone at a table and decide to introduce yourself.

Character Profile:

Name: Florence
Age: 67
Profession: Retired scientist and saleswoman
What people say: Generous, sociable, a bit dramatic
Likes: Lake swims, walking, market chats
Unusual fact: Used to sell nuclear reactors
Good for small talk: Great storyteller, warm presence
Not so good: Can be a little accusatory or blunt

🗣️ 8. In the Office Kitchen or Break Room

Prompt:
You’re both waiting for the kettle to boil in the break room. You’ve seen Martin around the office, but never spoken to him. Now’s your chance.

Character Profile:

Name: Martin
Age: Late 40s
Profession: Project manager / strategy role
What people say: Measured, intelligent, quiet
Likes: Reading, travel, structured hobbies
Unusual fact: Avoids anything aesthetic or emotional
Good for small talk: Well-informed, thoughtful listener
Not so good: Not very expressive or warm

🗣️ 9. At a Company Event or Training Session

Prompt:
You’ve just completed a leadership training session. At the networking table, you’re introduced to Jane, who seems confident and composed.

Character Profile:

Name: Jane
Age: 33
Profession: Petrol station owner and manager
What people say: Tough, focused, fair
Likes: Business, control, helping her staff
Unusual fact: Secret royal daughter with an NDA
Good for small talk: Clever and direct, loves honest conversation
Not so good: Doesn’t like drama or nonsense

🗣️ 10. In a Job Interview (before it starts)

Prompt:
You're the interviewer. Before starting, you decide to make small talk to help the candidate relax. The applicant is Noah, who walks in calmly and greets you.

Character Profile:

Name: Noah
Age: 25
Profession: Property portfolio manager (family business)
What people say: Calm, confident, mysterious
Likes: Football, luxury, peace and quiet
Unusual fact: Struggles with Arabic grammar despite fluent English
Good for small talk: Listens well, slow-paced and observant
Not so good: Detached, avoids busy or noisy energy

🗣️ 11. Meeting a Client for the First Time

Prompt:
You’re waiting at a café to meet a potential client. A woman approaches — it’s Zara. She sits down, nods professionally, and you begin with a little small talk.

Character Profile:

Name: Zara
Age: Early 40s
Profession: Village head, farmer, mother
What people say: Disciplined, strict, respected
Likes: Control, routines, privacy
Unusual fact: Has children with different fathers; village gossip knows it
Good for small talk: Powerful presence, deeply experienced
Not so good: Emotionally guarded and intimidating

🗣️ 12. At a Community Fundraiser or Local Event

Prompt:
You’re both volunteering at a local fundraiser. You’re paired up with Max to help set up tables. You decide to break the silence with a friendly comment.

Character Profile:

Name: Max
Age: 71
Profession: Luxury property mogul, self-made businessman
What people say: Wise, driven, intimidatingly successful
Likes: Adrenaline sports, watches, football
Unusual fact: Had a near-death skydiving experience but kept going
Good for small talk: Confident, experienced, generous with advice
Not so good: Emotionally distant, hates small talk and sentimentality

Speaking Scenarios

Your hairdresser asks you how you’d like your haircut.
You order eggs and the server asks you, “How would you like your eggs done?”
Your coworkers or friends invite you out for drinks, but you don’t want to go.
Someone phones you, but you’re too busy to talk.
The restaurant server wants to take your order, but you haven’t decided yet.
You’ve lost your keys and need help.
You have finished eating at a restaurant and you want to pay.
A shop assistant asks if she can help you find something.
A woman cuts you in line at the supermarket.
You want to introduce your co-worker, Denise, to another co-worker named Mark.
You get your bill at a restaurant and notice you were charged for food you didn’t order.
Your friend offers you some food, but you don’t want it because it looks disgusting.
You see someone you kind of know, but you forgot their name.
You accidentally wave at someone who wasn’t waving at you.
You're in a video meeting and your microphone was accidentally on.
You’re trying to leave a conversation, but the other person keeps talking.
You’re describing where a flat is located to someone interested in buying it.
You want to politely correct someone’s grammar or pronunciation.
You’re trying to negotiate a price with an estate agent.
You’re unsure what the correct word or phrase is in a business conversation.
You want to politely disagree with someone’s offer.
You’re introducing yourself during a business meeting or networking event.
You want to ask someone to repeat something during a phone call.
You want to check if someone has received your email
You want to ask someone for a recommendation in a shop or restaurant.